Once upon a time (actually, it was many many years ago!) there was an enthusiastic young teacher known as ‘New Nigel’, who had made a special study of pronunciation teaching on his Diploma training course. This is how his first lesson went:
Nigel: Good morning, students!
1st Student: Hallo, teacher. I living tomorrow.
Nigel: Ah, I’m leaving tomorrow.
1st student: You. too?
Nigel: No, I’m not leaving – I’ve only just arrived!
1st Student: Then why you say you living when you not living?
Nigel: Well, the point is I am living. As a matter of fact, all the teachers are living!
1st Student: All the teachers? This is crazy! I think is good thing I living tomorrow.
2nd Student: Teacher, tomorrow you like come with me for fish and ships?
Nigel: Ah, you mean ‘fish and chips’!
2nd Student: No, teacher, you have wrong. My father is Admiral and we have fish on one of his ships!
3rd Student: Teacher, yesterday I washed the television.
Nigel: Ah, you watched the television.
3rd Student: No, teacher, I didn’t. The room is very dirty so I wash always the screen!
(Fortunately the bell rang at this point and Nigel went off to the pub, wondering about different job opportunities!)